Wendy Stories
January 2001

Gold Digging exAgents
    Who Pretend They Weren't Fired.

Another rant for another day.


I just got back into town and got your email. What a magnanimous gesture,
Renee! You have decided to make the supremely munificent donation
of your 6% royalties on the audio version, royalties that may never even
materialize if the audio version does not earn out. Instead of whipping out
your checkbook right now, and sending in a sizeable donation, one that
reflects the extraordinary success you've achieved this year, one that
would be covered by money that already exists in the bank, you've made
the ultimate sacrifice: a promise. I guess it's that faith in the promise
of the future, your future, that makes your donation so touching.

I can sleep a little more peacefully knowing that the families
of the victims have your optimism to sustain them.

You'll be glad to know that Frank and I have already donated money
to the charities for the victims of the attacks. We didn't need to wait for
future earnings. Because of the urgency of the situation, we were compelled
to give what we had on hand. And, God willing, as we continue to profit,
in perpetuity, from the important work -- God's work, really -- you do
recycling wire stories from around the world about others' misfortunes,
we'll always have more money to give.

For politeness' sake,

These guys, Frank and Andrew of the Literary Agency, are fired.
They have been fired for about a year now.

They hate me, but refuse to stop negotiating for me.

I can't drag them to contract-mandated mediation.

It's a living nightmare.

Maybe I need a better agent to supplant them.

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